If you are in a relationship or are married, then you may be aware that relationships don’t always sail on smooth waters.
The honeymoon stage is wonderful, but it may last for 2 or 3 years then things settle down and may turn toxic. Healthy, happy relationships take effort on both sides.
So the question is...
Are you doing your part?
When is the last time you sat down with your partner or spouse and had a heart-to-heart about how your relationship is going?
How satisfied are each of you?
How happy do you feel as an individual and as a couple?
In the dating stage, conversations about roles don’t usually come up. However, once you’re living together or married, these conversations should come up.
For example, if you live together and you have rent or a mortgage to pay, you might split the payment or work out some sort of payment arrangement.
Or when it comes to household chores, you might split the chores or agree on one doing more than the other.
Some couples lack communication when it comes to some areas. They may have a quick conversation, but aren’t really defining the various areas in a relationship that require some attention. This can certainly cause some problems down the road.
For healthy, happy relationships, it’s important to have a serious discussion in the beginning of the relationship and then periodically thereafter.
What Are Your Relationship Roles?
Assuming you live together, what are your roles in the relationship?
Have you clearly defined them?
Does your partner know theirs?
Do you feel like you are doing your part and your partner is doing theirs?
If not, it is time to get to the bottom of the matter.
3 Relationship Roles You Should Talk About
Chores
Let’s talk chores first. There are many things to do to keep a home functioning and tidy. Have you and your partner sat down and talked about who is responsible for what?
It’s not uncommon for guys to leave the chores and cooking up to the woman.
We’ve come from a history where this was the way life went in relationships, but maybe you saw your mother do this and expect that in your relationship.
It's 2022 and our culture has changed, especially if both of your work. But, if someone is a stay-at-home partner, and the other works full-time, this may work.
But if both have full-time jobs, it is not alright for the woman (or man) to have to work full-time and then come home and have to take care of all the cleaning and cooking.
The bottom line is that regardless of the working situation, a serious conversation about chores should be had. Who is responsible for what? Discuss who will do what chores and who will cook. You could split chores and each of you could cook three nights per week and perhaps go out to eat one night.
It might not be easy to sit and talk about such things, but it will help your relationship out.
Then, you both must actually do your part. Have the conversation, divvy up the chores, and then each of you respect each other and the relationship enough to do your part.
Are you doing yours?
Finances
It can be challenging for many couples to discuss finances. In fact, finances are a major cause of arguments in relationships, leading to divorce.
It is so important to discuss each person’s role. Each situation is different, so there really is not a “one size fits all” thinking here. If both partners work full-time and rent or own a home, rent could be split half and half. If one partner works full-time and the other part-time, you could arrange something that suits you both.
For example, Michael and Cheryl both work full-time and own a home. Their mortgage is £2000 per month. Michael's salary is £75,000 a year, while Cheryl makes £32,000. They sat down and had a heart-to-heart about their financial situation and decided to each have their individual bank account, opening a joint account as well.
They decided to put a certain percentage of their monthly income into the joint account to cover the mortgage and household bills.
Since Michael made more than double what Cheryl made, they agreed he would put in 30% more than her. This seemed fair to both of them.
Couples run their finances in all sorts of ways, so don’t be afraid to discuss such things and be completely honest and open. If you don’t, resentments could occur down the road. As your relationship progresses, or circumstances change, you can check in with each other and see if you want to change things up.
Sometimes couples who are just starting out keep everything separate, and then down the road, they decide to combine all the finances into one joint account. Do what works for both of you, and then, do your part.
The Children
If you and your partner/spouse have children, then there are definitely more roles added to the relationship. Raising children is hard work. It’s definitely rewarding, but it takes time and effort.
Have you and your partner had a conversation lately about the many things that must be done in raising children?
Do you divvy up things like cooking, giving baths, helping with homework, reading bedtime stories, taking them to the park, etc.?
Gone are the days where these tasks were just for the women. If you want a happy relationship, both of you must take on some of these tasks in a way where you both feel like you’re a team – because you are a team.
Even if you work full-time and you’re tired when you come home, you must still do your part. That’s what you signed on for when you became a parent. But like I said, it’s not always easy, but it’s worth it.
When is the last time you had a conversation with your partner to see how you both feel regarding parenting the children?
Do you feel like your partner is doing their part?
Do you feel like you’re doing yours?
Think about it and makes changes if applicable.
Teamwork Gets The Job Done Better
Happy relationships require teamwork.
Know that it is alright to sit down and discuss how your team is doing regularly. It will help your relationship. Down the road things may change, so duties may change. Be open and flexible. Commit to being a proactive team member. Happy relationships require two partners in it together. Be willing to do your part.
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Friday 18th March