Updated: Nov 12, 2020
I asked that question on my Group Facebook Page "Fearlessly Moving Forwards" for heartbreak.
And not one person replied. So I thought to myself, are they too embarrassed to share what makes them feel most supported or maybe they are not sure what makes them feel most supported...
I believe that feeling loved is the one thing we all want. It provides a safe and comforting feeling. With intimate and genuine relationships, our world is opened up and we don't feel alone. And after separation, divorce or bereavement, we lost that special person who was very much our world, or perhaps you chose to end a toxic relationship and now you have lost something that when you met him, you thought it was forever...
So after we "lose" that person, how do we find this constant feeling of support?
How can we tap into this now that we are alone?
At the end of my marriage, I felt scared. I looked around and would see couples walking hand in hand in the streets and out to a romantic candlelit dinner. I would see friends laughing hard and walking in the streets and just at ease with one another and I thought, would I ever have that?
I spent ages thinking no one understood me, they didn't "get" me and feeling unworthy, so making true connection a part of my reality terrified me. My perception was based in fear and didn't allow me to see that feeling supported was something I was capable of having in my life.
So here are five ways to constantly feel supported:
Having a chat with a friend is one thing, but communicating with a life coach who listens without judgement allows you to feel fully supported and not alone. It allows you to see the "bigger picture" and understand everything you're going through a lot clearer, with easy to follow stepping stones to healing yourself and becoming the person you were born to be!
2. Love Yourself
Be aware of your thoughts and talk to yourself like you would, to your own best friend. Be kind, patient, understanding and compassionate. Throw away the stick you're constantly beating yourself up with!
(The Fearlessly Moving Forwards Method gives you step-by-step tools to achieve this).
This is a time to write in a notebook every day what you are grateful for. Aim for 3 things every day and if there's more, that's great! Focus on the honest and genuine relationships you have. You're not alone in those moments. Allow them to support you.
4. Be present
Your presence is where beauty lies. Be aware if you are dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Take it one day at a time. Give yourself permission to open up to others and know you are fully connected and fully supported. It's okay to feel vulnerable and it's not weak to cry. It is important to honour your feelings.
Remember that you do matter. You are important. You are worthy of love. All too often, our belief about ourselves and the world around us becomes pear-shaped and we lose sight of what really matters. What really matters is the love and support that constantly surrounds us.
Here are some beliefs that may be causing you anguish...
Change "I'll never forgive them" to "THIS IS A NEW MOMENT, I AM FREE TO LET GO".
"They don't deserve to be forgiven" to "I FORGIVE WHETHER THEY DESERVE IT OR NOT"
"They ruined my life" to "I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY OWN LIFE. I AM FREE"