• heather1436

Don't Let Fear Stop You

Updated: Mar 26

Psychologists at Harvard talk about a strange and startling discovery about humans...

The discovery provided a fascinating explanation for why, despite buying tons of self help books... Despite attending lots of seminars... Despite watching endless hours of videos... And despite buying huge amounts of courses...even hiring mentors and, yes, coaches... Many people don't become who they want to be. You can give them all the knowledge they need... You can inspire and motivate them... You can help them to understand themselves... But something holds them back and keeps them stuck where they are and who they are - despite them desperately wanting to change. What the psychologists at Harvard share explains the root cause behind why so many people:

  • Struggle with fears like the fear of failure…

  • Buy courses, books and training's and never complete them or put them into action...

  • Battle against perfectionism and procrastination...

  • Worry about getting rejected or judged by others...

  • Face a constant tug of war about whether or not they're capable of being a coach or making their dreams happen...

  • Feel undeserving of money and charging others for their services…

  • Don’t become their dream version of themselves despite spending a fortune on courses, trainings, mentors coaches and more…

  • And, most of all, stay stuck where they are despite DESPERATELY wanting to change.


You're about to find out why these challenges and obstacles, and many more, are a result of one thing... And you're also about to find out why, if you've struggled to take action towards your own dreams... It wasn't your fault. Let me explain... Some people, no matter what you do, don't change. They want to change. They really, really do. But they don't. Dreams will fade and die. Challenges and obstacles won’t be overcome. The good news is, whilst many don't change, many others do. In order to understand this I need to take you back in time... Way, way back... To a time before food was easily available... To a time before we had warmth and shelter... To a time where our very safety was at stake on a daily basis due to predators and other tribes. The world, for millions of years, was an extremely dangerous place for our ancestors. Dying before you hit 30 was normal. Disease…starvation...attack...hypothermia...normal. You name it - our ancestors were falling victim to it. Experts at Harvard believed that, because the world was such a dangerous place, our ancestors developed a survival strategy... And really listen to the next bit because this is so important... When things were comfortable - our ancestors DIDN'T take risks. If you had enough food - you don't take risks to go out and get more where you could easily fall prey to a predator. If you had enough logs for the fire - you don't take risks where you go out to get more and encounter an enemy tribe. If you had enough water - you don't take risks by going to the river where you could fall victim to the elements. I could go on. The point is, as a survival strategy, our ancestors would avoid risk at all costs unless they had to take them in order to survive. Harvard Psychologists called this "Loss Aversion Except When Threatened”. When things were comfortable - our ancestors DIDN'T take risks. And because avoiding risk when comfortable worked in keeping people safe and alive... It got passed on through the generations as a survival strategy... And became a genetically inherited trait that was hard wired into humans DNA in order to allow them to survive and reproduce. When things are comfortable - you DON'T take risks. That survival mechanism is hard wired into humans. It became part of our biology. Really let that settle in. And then read on to discover...

How This Legacy Lives On In Us Today...

OK, fast forward to the modern day... We have food, shelter and safety. Most of us do at least. We're extremely fortunate and live better than a King and Queen would have been able to just a few hundred years ago. The dangers of the past have gone... But our biology still see's RISK out in the modern world. It still has the "Loss Aversion" programming inside of us. What has changed is what we have been culturally conditioned to see as "risky". And, if we're comfortable, we'll avoid putting ourselves in situations that could trigger those "risky" things becoming a reality. Let me give you an example… Many moons ago something the tribe would have conditioned you to see as risky would have been large animals like tigers or other enemy tribes. Unless you desperately needed food, water or warmth - you should never risk encountering one. These days one of the things we've been culturally conditioned to see as risky is failure. Fear of failure is a HUGE obstacle to making your dreams happen and exists because of your own experiences in the past and how you reacted to them, or because of what others taught you about failure. Now, let's say you are in a career. You don't love it...it doesn't light you up every day...you might even hate it...but it's comfortable because you know it. And starting a new career, or a new business, could result in failure (something you’ve likely been conditioned to think of as risky). So, using the survival strategy from the past, you'll likely avoid starting something new and stay where you are. It's comfortable there, after all. No "risk" in what you already know and are doing, you see. Sure, it might not make you happy. Ah, but you'll be far more likely to "survive" in the eyes of your biology. And that's all it cares about. Here's the really interesting bit... When I looked at past clients who had succeeded in making their dreams happen I saw two common patterns when it came to the fear of failure... Either they DIDN'T see failure as risky and therefore forged ahead... OR they were so uncomfortable with where they were that they saw experiencing failure as the lesser of two evils and they forged ahead. For those that were comfortable though... And those who saw failure as a bad thing and therefore feared risking failure becoming a reality... It was almost guaranteed they wouldn't see things through to the end. Their biology put the brakes on their psychology and lasting change and action felt almost impossible. Whether someone makes their dream happen or stays where they are comes down to two things... How comfortable they are and what they perceive as risky and therefore fear happening. Does This Sound Familiar?

Has this ever happened to you… You want something. It might be more confidence…a better body…a new career…new business…new relationship… Whatever it is - it’s a dream of yours. You know, if you could just get that thing or become that person, you’d be much happier. So you buy courses or books or attend seminars or hire coaches in order to learn how to get there. But either you don’t complete the course/book etc… Or don’t put it into action fully and consistently. Somewhere, someplace, you fall off along the way. Your motivation wanes. You find yourself getting distracted by something else that promises to help your dream come true. Another book…another seminar…another coach or course… At first you’re excited again. But then the cycle repeats itself. You don’t complete it or don’t put into action what you know you should. Perfectionism and procrastination become a consistent companion. If that sounds like you, or your clients, I want you to consider something… Were you comfortable where you were? I’m not talking about happy where you were. I mean comfortable. As in - whilst you wanted the results of your dream - it would be far easier to just stay where you were because where you were nothing was at stake or at risk. See, nothing is at risk when you are just learning and staying where you are. But when you have to take action… When you step out into the unknown and have to experience uncertainty… All of a sudden there is a deep, inner feeling of slight “danger”, isn’t there? Like something could go wrong. I get it. I’ve felt that too. We all have. Because, remember…. It’s hard wired into us all that risk is bad and comfort is good. If any of this sounds familiar… If you’ve been on a personal development or coaching journey and still not arrived where you want to… Today might just be the most important day of the rest of your life. But let me prove that to you… Here's A Little Test You Can Personally Take To See If This Evolutionary Obstacle Has, Or Will, Hold You Back In Life…

OK, let’s put this to the test to see if you could be getting held back personally by what we’ve been speaking about… Below is a list of a handful of common fears that people often want to avoid. With each fear I’ve given you an example thought someone with that fear might think. The challenge here is often these fears are unconscious. But as you read through ask yourself - “Does this one feel like it applies to me?”. And, most importantly, BE HONEST with yourself. You are the only one who will struggle if you bury your head in the sand with this kind of thing. Believe me, it’s a GREAT thing if you identify that you’ve been held back and stayed comfortable based on one or more of these fears because we can then work on it. Most people I have taken through this identified with a lot of these so it’s no need to beat yourself up. You’re normal! Now, let’s take a look to see if you identify with any of these and I’ll then share with you what this has to do with risk, comfort and your survival programming… 1. Do You Fear Negative Emotions? Example Thought: “If I take action I might feel scared or fearful or something else negative so it is easier to put things off to avoid that pain” 2. Do You Fear Losing Hope For A Better Future? Example Thought: “If I take action and this doesn’t work then I’ll feel low because my dream will have died" 3. Do You Fear Not Mattering? Example Thought: “If I take action and people don’t care, I won’t be liked/loved for it” 4. Do You Fear Competition? Example Thought: “There are too many other business owners/authors/coaches etc who know more than I do, are more qualified and are better at marketing and selling than I am...so what’s the point?” 5. Do You Fear Other Peoples Negative Opinions? Example Thought: “If I never put myself out there I’ll never have to experience the pain of negative opinions” 6. Do You Fear Getting Found Out As ‘Not Good Enough’? Example Thought: ‘I’m going to get found out, humiliated and people will realise I’m not up to the job” 7. Do You Fear People Thinking You Are Silly For Believing You Can Do Big Things In Life? Example Thought: “People will laugh at me or question me for thinking I can do this” 8. Do You Fear Uncertainty, The Unknown And Not Being In Control? Example Thought: “By stepping into the unknown I am losing control of what will happen and I don’t know if I can handle whatever does happen” 9. Do You Fear Being Responsible For Others Dreams, Feelings, Results Etc As A Coach? Example Thought: “Extra responsibility might create a pressure that could make my life miserable” 10. Do You Fear Public Failure And Embarrassment? Example Thought: “People seeing me fail will be painful and some are waiting for me to fail so they can say ‘I told you so’ and I’ll feel embarrassed” 11. Do You Fear Mistakes And Doing The Wrong Thing As A Coach? Example Thought: “I might say or do the wrong thing and it could mess someone up” 12. Do You Fear Missing Out On Easier Paths To Your Dreams? Example Thought: “What if this path is making my life harder and there is an easier way?” 14. Do You Fear Feeling Confused Or Overwhelmed? Example Thought: “Confusion and overwhelm means I’m stupid and not cut out for this” 15. Do You Fear Asking For Money And Charging Clients High End Fees? Example Thought: “People might laugh at me when I tell them my prices because I’m not worth that money” 16. Do You Fear Wasting Time? Example Thought: “Am I wasting my time on something that is never going to happen?” 17. Do You Fear Things Becoming Real Rather Than Just A Nice Idea? Example Thought: “Taking action rather than just learning will mean that things finally become real and will have consequences” 18. Do You Fear Repeating Past Failures? Example Thought: “Nothing I do ever works so why would this time be any different?” 19. Do You Fear Being Unworthy? Example Thought: “I don’t deserve the happiness and fulfilment that would come with success” 20. Do You Fear Getting Lots Of Attention? Example Thought: “Attention doesn’t feel good and if I’m successful I’ll experience more of those bad feelings” END OF TEST. So - how did you get on? Many people find it quite emotional going through that list because often they read something, or more often quite a few things, that packs a bit of a punch with them. Like they’ve just read something they felt in their bones but could never quite verbalise. So if you felt emotional or if it was a challenge reading through them, it’s OK. But here’s the important thing to understand… Identifying With Just ONE Of Those Could Hold Someone Back From Their Dream Life And Dream Version Of Themselves - Permanently

Each of those fears represents something… Risk. If you fear something - you will naturally want to avoid risking that fear becoming a reality. And… If you are comfortable where you are… Even if your dreams coming true is on the other side of that fear and even if you don’t even feel happy where you are… Your biological programming will very likely override your desire for the dream in order to keep you “safe”. It’s just not worth the “risk” when you are comfortable. Remember what the experts at Harvard said is hard-wired into our biology as a survival mechanism… When things are comfortable - you DON'T take risks. Are you seeing things more clearly now? Are you starting to see why it’s NOT someone’s fault if they struggle to take action towards their dreams despite spending a fortune gaining the knowledge and support to get there? Quite simply… All the motivation and inspiration in the world won’t work if you’re comfortable and, deep down, you’re motivated to NOT achieve your dreams because there are risks you fear encountering along the way. I’ll repeat that… All the motivation and inspiration in the world won’t work if you’re comfortable and, deep down, you’re motivated to NOT achieve your dreams because there are risks you fear encountering along the way. Your biology will override your psychology. That’s the bad news. For all of us. But here’s the good news… Thankfully There’s A Solution That Will Accelerate Your Potential

The solution to this challenge is remarkably simple once you know what’s been in the way… It’s something I’ve actually been doing for many, many years now… Only, because of what the experts at Harvard shared, I see things more clearly than ever and can really drill down on this even further. The solution is this… Eradicate someone’s fear of something happening and it will no longer be seen as risky which means their biology will no longer put the brakes on their actions. Let me repeat that… Eradicate someone’s fear of something happening and it will no longer be seen as risky which means their biology will no longer put the brakes on their actions. The best way to explain this is with the fear of failure example I provided earlier… Someone who fears failure, and is comfortable where they are, will likely not take the consistent action necessary to get to where they want to be. They’ll avoid risking the failure becoming a reality because they’re comfortable. Ah but now look at this… If that person STOPS seeing failure as something to be feared… If failing is no longer something they worry about or bothers them… It’s no longer a “risk” to them. Which means action becomes EASY because the brakes of the fear of failure have been let off. Does that make sense? In other words… If you stop fearing something happening - action becomes easy whether you’re comfortable or not. But if that fear still exists… There’s a high chance you’ll only take action if you experience such pain that it’s no longer comfortable where you are. So the solution is simple… Change your relationship with fear - and you’ll change life forever and be empowered to go after dreams without the brakes of biology holding back. Who Could You Become If You Feared Nothing?

I want you to stop and think about something… Who could you become if you no longer feared the things our culture has taught us to fear? It’s fine to fear things that are natural to fear. But so, SO many of your fears, are not natural. They are fears you’ve taken on board from society, media, peers, past experiences and so on. Now, imagine if I could wave a magic wand and take away these unnatural fears from you. Fears like the ones in the list of 22 we just went through which you identified with (there’s a lot more than those 22 of course!). Who could you become if those fears no longer existed? How would you feel? How much easier would it be to take action and make your dreams a reality? I really want you to consider that. And what words would you use to describe someone without fears blocking their action? Powerful? Unbreakable? Unstoppable? Wouldn’t it be great to feel that way? Imagine just how great it would feel waking up every single day no longer shackled by the fears that trigger your biological drive for comfort. Imagine what a human being could achieve and experience if their relationship with fear changed - permanently. What an amazing way to live! It’s that gift that I want to be able to give to you today… The more I thought about this concept of risk, comfort and fear… The more it become clear that, if you change someone's relationship to fear, you change their life. My mission is to help your confidence…self esteem…relationships…dreams…health… If you wish to work with me, book a free call

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