“How Does Fear Just Disappear?” I often get asked.
Today I want to help you discover that same understanding for yourself. So that no matter which fear knocks at your door, whether it’s the fear of…
Heartache and loneliness
Losing someone you love
Losing a lifestyle you can no longer afford
A looming health crisis
A daring career change
Speaking up for yourself; or
Losing the approval of friends and family
… you will finally know how to meet it in a way that turns it into something permanently valuable for you.
Think for a moment about all the opportunities fear has stolen from you. How many life experiences did you pass up, avoid, or just say “No” to, all on account of fear? How many times did fear push its way into your relationships and wreck something beautiful? How many times has fear stepped in and whispered, “you can’t,” “you’re too old,” “it’s impossible”?
Now, what if there were a way to put fear behind you, to just drop it once and for all? Just think how many new and promising possibilities you’d pick up at the same time! Life would throw open her arms for you! What couldn’t you say? What couldn’t you do? What couldn’t you accomplish?
Nothing could stop you from walking up, smiling, and introducing yourself to that person who captivates you.
Nothing could keep you from pursuing the dreams and aspirations that call to you.
You could stand in front of a group of any size, and speak with relaxed ease and confidence.
You would command every room you walk into because you’d enter it without fear of being judged.
Growing older would now promise the continual growth of wisdom and character.
You could finally stop trying to control your relationships, allowing them to flower naturally without effort.
Nothing could force you to compromise what you know is true and good.
You could live wisely within your means, and enjoy your life at the same time.
You would have no problem saying “I love you” or “I’m sorry” when the moment calls on you to do so.
Those projects you’ve been postponing would finally get the attention they deserve.
I firmly believe one of the greatest discoveries an individual could make in his or her lifetime is to learn how to be free of fear.
The first step is to clear away some common mistakes…
If you want to be free of fear, you first need to realize what doesn’t work (read carefully, this is vital to understand):
Fighting with Fear doesn’t work because it is fear that pushes you into the battle. That means, in the end, fear calls all the shots, even when it feels like you’ve overpowered it (notice how the fear always returns).
Making a Deal with Fear is like making a deal with the proverbial “devil.” So that’s out.
Affirmations and Positive Thinking merely float on the surface. They’re powerless to reach down into the depths where fear is generated.
Hopes and Dreams seem like good choices at first, until you realize that if you look to them to rescue you from a fear, they’re really just empty promises fear projects to keep itself in place.
And Running from Fear… simply is not an option for people who know their time here on earth is to be spent developing something noble in their character.
This leads us to one of the most important lessons about fear you will ever learn:
Anything you do towards a fear — any action you take to battle or overpower it, any thinking you turn to as a way to dispel it, anything at all that you do to find freedom from that fear — does one thing and one thing only: It strengthens the fear.
With that one idea you now know more about fear than over 99.9% of the world’s population.
If you have a fear of failure, undermine your perfectionism and don’t look to others for approval. When you perform a task, and it’s not perfect, instead of focusing on the fault, focus on what you have done well. Big goals are filled with tiny failures; it’s the only way you learn how to do better. There’s always room for improvement, so ask yourself: “Did I do well enough?”